Hudson is 3 months old! I can’t wait to share a 3-month post with more updates about life these days. But in the meantime, I’m feeling rather introspective (can I still blame hormones 3 months postpartum?) and have been thinking about how much I’ve learned in just three short months.

We are so, so laughably far from experts at this parenting thing, but we are the world’s top experts on Hudson. And while we are realizing that while so much of parenting is teaching your child the ropes of you know, being alive, Hudson is also teaching us a ton about ourselves, our relationship, and of course—him.  So thanks, buddy, for the life lessons! Here’s a few of my favorites.

Humility

At 32, I’m pretty good at living life. (Stay with me here, I’m getting to the humility part!) I’ve been functioning as an adult—in name, if not in practice, anyway—for the last 14 years, and I’ve managed to create a life I love and have a lot of fun along the way. So most days, pre-baby, I walked the earth thinking I sort of had things figured out.

Enter Hudson, immediately chuck self assurance out the window. For the first time in a long time, I have no clue what to do far more often than not. For such tiny things, babies have a remarkable way of turning your entire world upside down.

Learning how to take care of our tiny human has been humbling in a way that I never anticipated. I look at Hudson with his huge, gummy smile and realize: it’s my job to figure out how to turn you into the happiest, healthier human I possibly can, and I have no earthly idea how I’ll do that. It’s the most important thing I’ll ever do, and I want more than anything to knock it out of the park. Today, that’s just figuring out why he’s crying or which diapers he’s least likely to blow out. (Team Huggies, by the way!) Soon, we’ll be coaching him to walk and ride a bike… and eventually, helping him learn about the world and how he’ll make his way in it. That’s a breathtaking amount of responsibility considering the most I’ve ever had to keep alive is a plant and a rather self-sufficient cat.

I’m learning to be okay with not knowing all—or even some—of the answers. We’ll only be first-time parents once. I’ll never again have to Google whether or not you can use a Q-Tip on a baby or ask a friend whether the little flaps on the diaper should go in or out. Jason, Huds and I are all learning together as we go, and so far, it’s been a pretty fun ride.

Patience

I consider impatience my biggest personal flaw. Luckily, I’ve been sent a tiny, chubby sensei to whip me into shape. Here’s a short list of things you can’t make a baby do:

• Eat faster
• Eat more
• Not eat too fast
• Fall asleep sooner
• Stay asleep longer
• Stop pulling your hair

As it turns out, that short list encapsulates Hudson’s entire line-up of daily activities. I quickly discovered that about 90% of our days were 100% out of my hands, and in Hudson’s. Rolling with this new reality requires a degree of patience that I didn’t know I had in me. It’s surprisingly easy to find new reserves of patience when it’s on his behalf, and I’m hoping that it carries through to other areas of my life, like my incredible irritation with slow sidewalk walkers.

Flexibility

As Hudson’s mom, it’s my job to create the right conditions for him to thrive. And while waiting the eternal nine months it took for him to show up, I read as much as I could get my hands on in order to do that. I was ready: three hour schedule, here we come! I’d know exactly what to expect out of my days! And I even thought I was fairly realistic about my expectations, knowing we’d deviate from our plan here and there.

“Here and there” is better described as “every single day.”

It quickly became apparent that while I may thrive on the stability of a schedule, babies are changing basically every minute, and what’s best for Hudson is for me to be flexible.

Some days Hudson goes right to sleep for a nap, and some days I’ll spend 30 minutes trying to get him to snooze. Some days I can get a shower in right away, and some days that’s not happening until Jason comes home. Some days he wakes up at 6:00am starving, and sometimes I wake him at 7:00 to get our day started.

So, there’s a lot of going with the flow around here, which to put it lightly, has been an adjustment for my plan-loving heart. But if every night I can run through a quick mental checklist and confirm that our baby got enough sleep, food, playtime, and love—then life is good. However we got there.

Wonder

I struggled for a while to find the right word to encapsulate this section, which is basically “putting your f-ing phone down.” Going with “wonder” instead. 🙂

I often ask my husband: don’t you think we’re living in the best time ever? I love technology and feel grateful to have access to so much information whenever I want it. My sister bears the very important responsibility of deleting my Google accounts if I should die so that my search history goes down with me. I’m know I’m not unique in spending a TON of my time looking at my phone, or iPad, or laptop.

But I’ve spent far less time over the last three months looking at my collection of screens, and it’s been a solid reminder that there’s as much to be learned by looking up as there is by typing an inquiry into a search bar.

In the early days, I couldn’t take my eyes off of my baby for a second—how could I miss a thing? I admit that’s relaxed a bit, though of course I still think he’s the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen. But when he’s awake, our time is spent laying on the floor, playing with his toys, reading books, or “talking” about our day. If I pick up my phone to scroll through Instagram without thinking about it, he’ll start grunting at me like, “Hey! Excuse me lady! Down here!” He’s a tiny, wiggly little daily reminder to stay in the moment.

Seeing Hudson grow and witnessing the world through his eyes has reminded me to look up, take it slow, and take it all in. Thanks bud, I’m so grateful.